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You Can Get Anything You Want…

I hope y’all had a great Thanksgiving.

We had lots of fun and as always ate and drank entirely too much.  We also had our Josephine’s 3rd birthday party and a wedding to go to this weekend. We were busy folks!

One of the newer Thanksgiving traditions around here is going to the Odd Fellows Thanksgiving pot luck. It’s put on my the Waxahachie Odd Fellows Lodge #80 and it is a blast. The Rebekahs (I’m a member of Waxahachie Rebekah Lodge #381) bring side dishes and desserts and this year we had a raffle. We’re lucky enough to have a couple of amazing tattoo artists as members of both the Odd Fellows and Rebekahs so as you can imagine the prizes for the tattoo gift certificates are highly sought after.

This year I made the Brussels sprouts I got the recipe for from our Rebekah, my macaroni and cheese, and Roger requested Grandpa potatoes so I made those too. Grandpa potatoes is one of Roger’s favorites.  Our friends Dawn and Harry Poe made them for him first and he told me about it and I just kind of tweaked it from there.

The recipe comes from Harry’s Grandpa and that’s why we call them Grandpa potatoes. I’m not exactly sure what Harry’s Grandpa’s recipe is but here’s how I do it:


You will need red skinned potatoes (don’t use the little ones, use big ones), Ro*Tel, an onion, garlic, cumin, cilantro, salt, pepper, and some reduced sodium chicken stock.

Rinse off your potatoes and slice them. I make the slices fairly thick so they hold up a little better during the cooking process.

Heat your pan and add some oil. You can use vegetable or olive oil, which ever you prefer.

When the oil is hot, add your potatoes.

When the potatoes start to get a little crusty on the bottom side, give them a flip and add the onions and some salt and pepper.

I forgot the garlic so I added it later.

Add the cans of Ro*Tel. Don’t drain them, just dump them in there juice and all. I used 2 regular sized cans because I was making a pretty good sized dish for the potluck but if I make them for just a week night thing, I just use one can. I don’t make these very often because I really don’t like them very much. I’m not a Ro*Tel fan.

Give everything a stir and add your cumin and chicken stock. You might also want to add a little more salt and pepper at this point. DON’T ADD TOO MUCH STOCK!!!!!

Bring it up to a boil, turn the heat down, slap the lid on AND LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE!!!!! When our Craig was home on leave this past spring and I was working at Scarborough Faire, Roger decided to have an impromptu dinner party Craig’s first night back. He made a fajita spread and made these potatoes and they turned out a HUGE fucking mess. His first problem was he had way too much oil in the pan, had too many potatoes in the pan and then he kept stirring them and stirring them. Our Rachel tried to help him out but they were too far gone by the time she got there.

When the potatoes are pretty close to being cooked all the way through, take the lid off and turn the heat back up. Give them a couple of gentle stirs and you’re going to let most of the liquid cook out. This is where you want to add your cilantro (if you don’t like cilantro, just leave it out). I like a lot of cilantro but since I was taking to a group dinner, I just added this much.

Tah dah!


The secrets to making this recipe a success are: don’t add too much oil, don’t add too much liquid and DON’T stir them too much.

Let me know if you make this dish and what you did to make it your own.


TTFN! xoxo










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I Love My Little Calendar Girl

I am honored and fucking giddy as hell to announce I have been chosen to be in the first ever Viva Dallas Burlesque 13 month calendar!

It is a compilation of studio sessions by Shoshana Portnoy and live action shots by Mark Kaplan taken at various Viva Dallas Burlesque shows. The calendars will be available for purchase at the December 7th show and at A Nearly Naked Nutcracker at Trees on December 22nd.





Lunch Lady Land

I love Sloppy Joes. I don’t know why or when it started but it’s one of my favorites. Every time I make them I think about this SNL skit and of course I laugh like an idiot. I really like Adam Sandler, my favorite movie of his is “Big Daddy”. Chris Farley was great in the skit but I never could get into his style, I always felt sort of embarrassed for him whenever I watched him. Kind of like he was trying too hard.

I don’t remember eating Sloppy Joes at school a lot and we never ate them at home very often. I didn’t have them as part of my regular repertoire until I was out of the house the first time, and I still really don’t do them that often. Maybe because it just seems like one of those every now and then type dinners for some reason.

I just used the Manwich stuff in a can until I found this recipe from Ree Drummond, aka The Pioneer Woman. My sister Rebekah is going to give me an assload of grief for this one. She despises Ree Drummond. The thing is Ree supposedly lives on a ranch in some square state with her rancher husband, whom she’s dubbed “Marlboro Man” (which I think is absolutely rifuckingdiculous), and has a pacel of kids that she home schools and well, bless her heart she’s just country to the core y’all.  Evidently, she has swiped all the recipes in her cookbooks and on her blog from church cookbooks and the like and has not sited her sources and had fibbed to the world about it. There’s even several websites that have called her out and said she’s just a big ol’ lying bitch. Lying thievin’ whore she may be but she’s nicked some damned good recipes. I’ve made the one we’re talking about here, her mother in law’s Christmas Rum Cake and these pork chops with apples and grits and I’m telling ya, it’s all fit to eat.

There’s one thing she does in the recipe that I don’t get why she does it so I switched it up a bit. She puts butter in the ground beef when she browns it. Now I have wracked my brain trying to figure this one out and I cannot for the life of me figure that shit out. The ONLY thing I can think of is that she uses an uber lean ground beef and needs to add some fat to it so it doesn’t taste like ass so she adds the butter. BUT then she says to drain off some of the fat before you add the veg, so I have no fucking idea what the hell she’s doing. I use 80/20 ground beef, brown it, drain it, put the butter in the pan and then cook the veg in that. If you can figure out what she’s doing, let me know okay? She also uses red pepper flakes and then says that Tabasco is an optional thing. I use the red pepper flakes but leave out the Tabasco.

So here we go, sloppy joes, slop sloppy joes…

Gather all your stuff.

Start browning the hamburger.

Cut your bell pepper in half and take the guts out.

Cut the pepper into 4 pieces and then cut the web stuff out of it.

It’ll look like this.

Cut the 4 pieces into strips and then stack them up and give them a chop. I don’t worry about making sure all the pieces are the same size, nobody cares about that shit.

Chop your onion.

Unless you’ve got made chef knife skills, which I do not, you’ll be done chopping before the meat is done. But if you’re like me by the time you’re done chopping, your meat will be done and you can drain it.

After you drained the meat, wipe the skillet out with a paper towel to get the extra crap out of it (unless you want to keep all that business) and then put it back on the burner and add the butter.

After the butter has melted, add the veg to the pan and cook it for a bit.

In the original recipe, Ree tells you to add so many cloves of chopped garlic but since I’m lazy and buy garlic already chopped and in a jar, I thought this would be close enough to what she wanted. Or rather whomever she nicked the recipe from wanted.

It didn’t look like enough so I added some more.

Hey look at that, I measured the ketchup!

Add the ketchup, the spices and other crap to the veg.

Give all the sauce stuff a good stir and add the meat back to the pan.

Give everything a good stir.

Slap the lid on the pan, turn the heat down and let it simmer for a bit….Y’all don’t look at my dirty stove!

Atticus says “It’s sloppy joes and I helped!”

Get your buns and butter together.

Heat up a pan to toast the buns on.

Toast the buns.

After your buns are toasty (haha!), slap some cheese on that bitch and serve him up with some Ruffles and a nice cold beer.

And there you have it, sloppy joes!

I decided to make my blog my performing website too. I’ll be posting all of the information about my upcoming shows, photos from shoots and performances, and videos of my performances. Check back every now and then so you can see what kind of shenanigans I’ve been up to. I hope you like the changes, I’m really excited about them.

Let me know if you make this recipe and what you did to make it your own.























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She’s Got The Mac

I’m such a nerd. When I first thought of this post all I could think of was this performance by Bella Blue of New Orleans.

So what do Miss Bella and macaroni and cheese have in common? I have no fucking clue. She probably don’t even like macaroni and cheese. I just laughed like a maniac when I thought of it all together and as we all know I have a very simple (read: teenage boy) sense of humor so, here you go.

My friend and Lodge Sister, Denise, turned me onto this recipe. It’s one from Paula Deen. I love Paula Deen. I don’t care that she has diabetes and that she hid it from the world and that she takes money from the drug company to be their spokeswoman, ahem Wilford Brimley, and that all these people say “omg she’s trying to kill us all with all that butter; blah blah blah blah”. Whatever man. Anybody with a nickel bag’s worth of sense knows you can’t eat that crap all the time, or they should, anyway. So you just keep on goin’ Miss Paula, I’ll still eat your macaroni and cheese.

I have a couple of notes before we get to the pictures. I ALWAYS use an assload more cheese than what she calls for because this recipe is just stingy with the cheese as far as I’m concerned. When I have macaroni and cheese, I want cheese and lots of it. I also like to use different cheeses in it;  fontina and Gruyere are two of my favorites but I don’t use them often because they’re kinda spendy. It’s also a good way to use up those cheese orphans you’ve got languishing in your refrigerator. I will also sometimes substitute Greek yogurt for the sour cream. And of course, I never measure any of this shit, I just chuck it all in a bowl and pray to baby Jesus I haven’t jacked it up.

So here you go, my version Paula Deen’s macaroni and cheese y’all…

Gather all your stuff. You’ll notice I didn’t use regular macaroni I used orecchiette. Oh go on, say it like Giada, you know you want to. Ugh. She’s such a bobble head.

Put your water on to boil and add salt. Supposedly it makes the water boil faster or salts the pasta. Hell, I don’t know. Chef Anne does it on TV and when she flings her arms around and says “make it salty like the sea”, well you just can’t help it. I do know that if I do it after the water starts boiling it boils over and spits all over the stove, so I do it before.

While your wanting on the water to boil and the pasta to cook, get your cheese and stuff ready. Ooooo hey, look! A whole stick of butter. My ass is getting wider and my belly’s getting happy just looking at it.

It calls for 2 eggs and that’s usually what I put in. Just break them into a glass or something and whip them up before they go in with the rest of the stuff.

Drain your noodles. When I’m going to bake any kind of noodle, I usually cook it for a couple of minutes less than the least amount of recommended time on the instructions because they’re going to keep on cooking when you bake them and if you cook it the whole time and then bake them too you’ll end up with a pile of moosh. Unless, if you like mooshy pasta then just cook it for the full time and roll on with your bad self.

While the noodles are still warm, put them in a big bowl and add the butter and your cheeses. Mix it all up really good and get the butter as melted as you can.

If it doesn’t all melt, don’t worry about it. It’ll all melt when you bake it.

Don’t forget to spray or butter your casserole. If you forget, you’re gonna have a hella time trying to get your finished dish out of the pan and an even worse time trying to get it all cleaned up!

Add the eggs and sour cream (I used Greek yogurt this time) and mix it all up. Then dump it in the sprayed casserole dish.

Sprinkle some kind of shredded cheese on top and bake it for however long it says in the original recipe. Don’t over bake or your cheese will get hard.

And of course, I don’t have a picture of the finished product. I promise I will try to be better with that in the future.

I remember when I was in high school and Roger and I had just started dating and Momma invited him to sty for supper with us  for the first time and we had meatloaf and baked macaroni and cheese. I made the macaroni and cheese, not like this of course, and I cooked the hell out of it. It was all crunchy and probably on the verge of inedible. Roger ate it anyway and said it was good, even though me and everybody else at the table knew it was crap. Now, every time I bake a macaroni and cheese he reminds me of the very first time I cooked anything for him. How sweet is that? I think I just threw up a little.

If you want to see me get naked in public, I will be at the Basement Bar on October 12th and in Corpus Christi at The House of Rock on October 26th as a guest performer with the After Dark Review. I love performing in CCTX and the ADR gals are fabulous hostesses!!! I will also be teaching a shimmy class on October 20th at Image Fusion Studio in Fort Worth. There’s still space available so, email me at PixieOkneel@gmail.com if you want to sign up. I will also be teaching this class in Corpus! OH! And don’t forget to sign up for the Broads & Panties newsletter!!!

Well, that’s all the shameless self promotion for now. 🙂

I hope you make the mac and cheese and if you do let me know what you did to make it your own.

Have a great day!!

TTFN! xoxo


Baby It’s HOT Outside!

Hey y’all!
Did you think I’d died? Nope, just been super busy working the day job and showing my boobs to anyone who’ll buy a ticket!

Last month I went on a mini tour with Broads & Panties for our Heavy Metal UNCHAINED show. I performed in Oklahoma City, Fort Worth, Dallas and Austin. It was so much fun! I got to spend time with some great gals,  see my friend Jess, and of course perform for lots of people. I also performed in a great show called Diffusion AND at Viva Dallas Burlesque!!! It was a wild ride for sure.

The weather has been ridiculously hot and I’ve been trying to make dinner most nights, although sometimes it’s just a cold sandwich. I had sort of fell off the meal planning wagon while all the performing madness was going on and boy did my checkbook suffer for it. But I think I’m back on the game. On Sunday mornings I sit down and look through Pinterest and Food Gawker and my go to recipe notebook and figure out what I want to eat for the week. I make out a menu and a grocery list. It really helps the lack of budgeting because I’m pretty good at sticking to the list as long as I don’t go to the store hungry! I also try to make out my list in an Excel spreadsheet and divide what I need up by the way the store is laid out. It makes it so much faster!

I’ve been trying to stick to no cook or meals with grilled stuff and salads. One of the sort of no cook things I like to make is this Chinese noodle salad, the only thing you have to cook are the noodles.

I had this salad first at a place by my work called Social Bake House Cafe. It’s one of those fancy chicken salad places where ladies who lunch go. They have sandwiches, salads, breakfast stuff and bakery items. All of the bakery things I’ve had are pretty good but unfortunately, the food is hit or miss. This salad was a miss. I hate it when I go out someplace and take the first bite of something and think “I could make this better at home!”. It had too much dressing and I really think it was missing some of the stuff the menu board said was in it. I’ve made it a couple of times and I like it a lot. It makes a good supper and lunch leftovers.

Of course, I changed it up a little to make it better. I use Rainbow Salad mix instead of Napa cabbage. I use the salad mix because I wouldn’t use the whole head of cabbage and it would go to waste. I also add cilantro because I think it makes it fancy and y’all know how I feel about fancy shit. I chose to use the precooked chicken because I was in a hurry but I really don’t like it. It has a funky fake taste so from now on I will cook my own chicken.

And away we go…

Gather up your stuff. You need Rainbow salad mix (It’s like a broccoli slaw type thing. You can use Napa cabbage if you’d rather), Asian Toasted Sesame salad dressing, cashews, Mandarin oranges, grilled chicken, noodles of some sort, green onions, and cilantro.

Put your noodle water on to boil. Add a little salt to it but not too much because the bottled salad dressing has quite a bit of salt in it already.

Strong arm Dillon into helping with the photo taking.

Chop your cilantro.

Chop your green onions. Roger bought me these scissor things and they scare the fuck outta me. He got them for me to chop herbs but I only use them for green onions. My knife skills are pretty shitty so I never can chop these damn things with a regular knife.

Drain your oranges.

Drain your noodles and get a steam facial…We multitask around here.

Clean up your mess from goofing off with Dillon…I always have to get 2 cans of cashews because Dillon and I will chat while I cook and eat one can while we’re chatting and next thing you know, no cashews for the salad.

Put everything in a big bowl.

Add as much dressing as you like…I think I used about half of this bottle.

Mix everything up good.

And TAH-DAH! Supper is on bitches!

And that’s it! Easy peasy, right?

You can really use whatever you’d like in here. I think it would be pretty good with different stuff in it; I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

If you want to catch me at a show, I’ll be at The Boiler Room on 8/10/12 for a Tarantino Tribute and at The Basement Bar on 8/17/12.

Let me know if you make this and what you did to make it your own.















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They Call Me “Tater Salad”

Happy Fourth of July!!

The Navy boyo called this morning from a very exciting place that I’m not allowed to post on the internet. Let’s just say it’s awesome!!

My Dillon is snoozing safe in his bed. He started a new job at a video game store, he really likes it. He is such a hard working kid.

I’m very proud of both of them!!

Enough with the Mom stuff, let’s get to it!

Potato salad is one of those things people love to hate. Some of it is good. Some of it is bad. And some of it is just plain fucking gross!! There are so many ways people make it that it can be pretty hard to figure out. Mine is pretty good, if I do say so myself. I get asked to bring it to parties and potlucks so I guess it’s not too shabby. It’s like the way my Mom makes it with the exception of onions. I just leave them out. My brother in law doesn’t like onions and I like them but I don’t like chopping them (cuz I’m lazy like that) and sometimes you get a really bitter piece and it just jacks up your entire plate. Plus there is the texture thing, onions make potato salad a bit too chunky for me so there’s another pro for leaving them out. I’ve thought about using red onion in it but then I usually forget I was going to try it and so I don’t buy one when I’m at the store. One of these days I will remember.

I made a batch last weekend to take to Sara and Vern’s for the annual Fourth of July blow out. Sara started having an annual thing on the Fourth because she lives not too far from me and we can shoot off fireworks as long as there’s not a burn ban in effect. Sara loves her some fireworks. Last year, or maybe the year before, the neighbors called the sheriff’s department. You know what they say, “it’s not a party until the cops show up!”. HA!

I didn’t make as big a batch as I usually do to take over. Lots of people take some home with them but it always seems I end up bringing home entirely too much and it ends up going bad. Not that it doesn’t get eaten at the party but I just make so much of it and if you’re like me, you can’t just eat it for days and days. I will eat it where I take it and then maybe the next day and that’s it. If I’m making enough for a really big crowd I use a 5 pound bag of potatoes and a dozen eggs and then you just season from there. I’ve also decided I will bake the eggs instead of boiling them from now on. I saw over on Pinterest how to bake eggs in the oven instead of boiling them. I tried it this morning and mother fucker if it didn’t work. I did it pretty much like this and they were perfect!! From now on, I will be baking the eggs when I need hard boiled ones.

You can use my recipe as a jumping off point to make your own.

Here it is…

For this batch I used about this many potatoes because I didn’t want to have to bring home any left overs from the party.

Put just enough water to cover the potatoes. I do them whole and with the skin on #1 because they taste better and #2 I’ve done it by peeling the potatoes and cutting them up to save time but they take on too much water and makes the salad really kinda gross.

Add a couple of spoons this size of salt on your potatoes when you get the water on. You can steal a spoon like this from just about anywhere. I pilfered this one from P.F. Changs, it goes perfect in my salt bowl and it’s about a teaspoon’s worth.

Put your eggs on to boil (or bake them like I talked about above) I used 7 eggs for this batch. If I make a full batch I use a dozen. Put just enough water to cover the eggs and put about a teaspoon of salt on there too.

Get the water on the eggs boiling good and fast,

then slap the lid on the pan and turn off the heat. Let the eggs sit in the hot water for about 25 minutes and they’ll be done. This is how it says to make boil eggs in my Betty Crocker cookbook. Momma told me about it and I looked it up in there and sure enough this is what Betty said. I know from personal trial and error this is one of the easiest ways to make boiled eggs. It keeps them from having that dreaded green ring around the yolk. But, if you don’t let them set long enough, the yolk won’t cook all the way through. EEWWWW!

After you peel the eggs cut them into chunks.


Then run your knife through the chunks to get them smaller.

When the potatoes are done, pour off the hot water and add some cold water so they will get cooled down for you to handle.

To peel them just run your knife lightly under the skin and it should just slide right off. You want the potatoes to still be kind of warm and not completely cooled to make it easier.

After you get your potato peeled, cut it in half long ways,

then turn it over and cut it long ways again to make 4 long pieces.

Cut your fourths into as many pieces as you’d like. I like mine sort of big.

After you get the peeling and chopping done it’s time to put the dressing on. I use apple cider vinegar, Miracle Whip, Hellman’s mayonnaise, celery seed, yellow mustard, Vlasic sweet pickle relish, salt and pepper. I guess you’ve noticed I use name brand stuff when it comes to condiments. I do not shit around with my condiments, I don’t care what people say, as far as I’m concerned there is a difference and I have a job so I’m not eating generic condiments. I’ll eat generic cereal but not generic Miracle Whip. If you do need to use generic stuff I understand BUT, please shell out the extra and get Vlasic sweet pickle relish. It really is the better of all the kinds I’ve tried.

I used about this much each of the MW, mayo and mustard. I use MW and mayo because MW is too sweet on it’s own and all mayo just leaves it needing something.

Put in the salt and pepper and the WHOLE jar of relish. I go easy on the salt at first and then taste for it again later so I don’t get too much.

Add one capful of the apple cider vinegar. You can use white vinegar if that’s what you’ve got.

Give it a good start off mix. I always just use my hands to mix potato salad. I tried using a spoon or a spatula to mix it but I broke several of them so I just gave up. I also think it gets everything mixed up better because you can squish the stuff and get it mixed in good.

Add the celery seed. I use a LOT of celery seed.

Give it a taste. You’re checking for salt, pepper and celery seed. And to see if you forgot the vinegar. I forget it all the time and then I taste it and I’m like, shit, I forgot it again!

Dish it up in a pretty bowl for the party. You can be totally old school and put some paprika on top and I normally do but all I had was smoked paprika. I’ve put smoked paprika on it before but I think it gives it a funky taste so I put plain on there.


There you have it super easy potato salad. You can add or leave out stuff depending on what you like. Just remember to taste it several times and be careful with the salt. Add it a little at a time so you don’t get too much.

Let me know if you make this and what you do to make it your own.

Have a safe and happy Fourth of July. Don’t off fireworks in Ellis County, there’s a burn ban in effect. Don’t drink and drive, it’s no refusal weekend in Dallas County.

Remember, if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.










Meatloaf, Not The Singing One

Oh meatloaf.

I love meatloaf. The eating one, not the singing one.

There are so many ways to make meatloaf and I prefer it minus the chunks. Some folks like it with chunks of stuff and I don’t.  When we were in school, they made it with canned tomatoes and onions and it was SO greasy. But it most always came with mashed potatoes and English peas and carrots. I always ate it because I was raised in the 70’s and 80’s and you ate what was on your plate or you went hungry until you got home. Nobody was allergic to peanuts, nobody was on a gluten free diet, nobody was vegan. We ate what they served us and it was good. The ladies who cooked in our cafeteria made real food. They chopped, they stirred, they tasted. They COOKED. They didn’t heat up stuff like they pretty much do now. I guess there are just so many rules about shit and parents freak out about every little thing now that it’s just easier to feed the kids processed packaged shit. I mean, Jesus himself probably has no clue how much “pink slime” I’ve ingested in my life time and I’m no worse for the wear. I have noticed the sort of “revolution” going on in school lunchrooms and I think it’s really a good thing. There are so many kids who qualify for free or reduced price lunches and I’m sure there are way more kids than I would like to think that lunch or breakfast at school are the only meals they get and we need to make sure they’re eating real food. *off soap box*

When I really think about it, my Mom’s meatloaf was really bland. She made it with ground beef, oatmeal (for binding), and eggs. She put ketchup and sliced onion on top and that was it. No salt, no pepper, no garlic, nothing extra. Not that it wasn’t good, it was but when I compare it to mine and some others I’ve eaten, it’s just, well, plain; for lack of a better way to describe it.

I have tinkered with my meatloaf for years. For a long time I made it like Mom’s and it was good, but that was during the lean years and I was just happy to get to eat. I tried to make it chunky and that was just gross. But then Roger got the satellite dish that one time and I saw there were so many ways to make it and I finally got it down. I learned that traditionally meatloaf is made from a mixture of ground meats that usually contains beef, pork and veal.  I love veal and would use it but it is really spendy over to the HEB so I use beef, pork and lamb. I have to hide the lamb package because Roger is a confirmed lamb hater and swears UP and DOWN that he can taste it and it tastes like old goat and I just think he’s full of shit so I put it in anyway. I also used oatmeal for years but I’ve found that breadcrumbs give a smoother texture and I am all about the texture of things. Most of the foods I don’t like I don’t like because of the texture, not the taste. With the exception of raspberries. Raspberries are just foul.

When I made the one I’m going to show you, I just used ground beef because it was what I had and I didn’t have time to go to the grocery.

Oh! And a note about ground beef; please use an 80/20 mix and if you can afford it, don’t use the meat in the plastic tube. I don’t think that’s really ground beef, I think that is the dreaded pink slime and it’s so full of fat that it’s just gross.

And away we go…

You need about a half pound each of ground beef, ground lamb and ground pork, plain breadcrumbs, eggs, salt, pepper, Italian seasoning, garlic powder, onion powder, and fresh parsley. Roger went to the grocery and bought the wrong kind of ground beef so I used 90/10 instead of the preferred 80/20 and like I said earlier, I didn’t have ground pork and ground lamb, so there’s just ground beef in this one.

Put all the stuff in a bowl. Add the seasonings to your taste.

Don’t be squeamish and mix it all up with your hands. If you’re super girlie, wear food grade rubber gloves.

When it’s all mixed up, it should look like this.

A meatloaf pan is the way to go, it keeps your loaf from being greasy.

Put your ground meat mixture in the pan. I usually poke holes in the top with my finger and make a rim around the sides for when I put my glaze on top.

Preheat your oven.

For the glaze you will need ketchup, mustard, and honey. Sometimes I add horseradish or I will use spicy brown mustard instead of yellow mustard.

You need about this much ketchup.

And I put about this much of the other stuff in. You can add or subtract according to what you like.

After the meatloaf cooks for about 45 minutes, put your glaze on and bake it until it’s done. Usually about another 30 minutes depending on the size of your loaf.

When he’s done, he’ll look like this.

And then tah dah! Meatloaf! This one is all sad and flat for a couple of reasons. The biggest one being it wasn’t made with not as much meat as I usually use.


So I have to say that this meatloaf was really dry and sad. I wasn’t very happy with it but it was what it was and there’s no use in crying over it. If you follow the tips I gave you and you don’t overcook it, and let it rest for a few minutes before you serve it, it will be nice and juicy.

There are lots of ways to make meatloaf and really the only thing you can do to totally fuck it up is overcook it. It usually takes about an hour for a good sized one to cook, just keep an eye on it so you don’t burn it up.

Let me know if you make a meatloaf and what you do it make it your own!